Most of the things I used to do and used to love to do, haven’t been possible for a few years now. Yesterday night, I went out with the guitar to earn some cash on the streets, playing cover songs for drunk people. After two songs, that particular electrified feeling in the forehead began. What that means in post stress recovery, is a few days of fatigue. This was supposed to be the beginnings of my way out of welfare. Back to the drawing board. My level of acceptance has become very high, because the other side of this kind of isolated life, is depression and social isolation to cope with that. Been there, done that and absolutely never going back.
So what if I will be on welfare for the rest of my life, so what if I won’t? This open mindedness is very important to generate happiness from within, when it can’t be had from outside. My social life, still to this day, since the beginning of 2015, consists mostly of myself. After I got the phone, Spotify has become my best friend. Zero expectations is another tactic I apply throughout each day. I simply don’t expect being able to work, find another spouse, being able to play much music again, or to have people in my life, besides the few monthly days I’m with my kid. Deciding upon that, makes every little moment where things happen, quite good and removes the blues when I’m alone. I’m not lonely anymore.
The power of perspective playes a big role here. I’m not in war, I don’t live in any country being raped by the US, I’m not a refugee, I’m not homeless, not in prison, nor under abuse of any kind. And I certainly don’t qualify for developing countries poverty. Losing my old life and living a life of near social isolation, on welfare in Denmark, is indeed quite the paradise compared to at least one billion other human lives. Every day I have the choice to go for a walk, to swim in the ocean and to collect bottles and cans to make ends meet by the end of the month. The middle class here is so rich, I can eat more than the average human being, by collecting other people’s garbage.
I have a nice little apartment in a safe and a quiet area, have my guitar standing by and ready and after I got the looping pedal, I don’t even have to play with other musicians. I do miss it, but at least there is no unexpected noise that will deteriorate my mental health and render me into a zombie for the few following days after a concert:
I can even paint the walls here, as you can see in the video. Whatever we can do that elevates our mind, is what we should do in a situation like this. Now is the opportunity to pursue hobbies. Reading books, watching films, playing computer games, playing music, taking hikes, learning how to cook, being a mobile phone photographer, a blogger and so forth. Anything that moves our souls really. The biggest obstacle is and has been, the fear of getting back to work and not being able to handle it. My current and very laid back workfare project is becoming one more failed attempt at working, I guess the tenth since my health gave in back in 2014.
Another important tactic, for me, has been to simply discount the conservative part of society that looks down on people that can’t work. I know their complaints are coming from an entitlement mentality, because I used to share these views myself and of course a place of defense. A resentful person will find anything they can apply logic to, and then try and gather other people around their opinions to avoid being alienated. If they were to read this, the reply would be; “How dare you judge people that keep you alive, you should be grateful and stop complaining and blaming us for your problems.”
I was in a relationship like that and ended it by going homeless, maybe that’s the reason why I keep people like that out of my life? I’ve probably become triggered. Narcissism, covert hypnosis, whatever the description is, shatters the mind is the most interesting ways. Even though that relationship got the best of me and was the actual cause to my life being first crushed and then reinvented, I’m still grateful for it. The experience has shown me that no matter how hard it gets, I can always stay on top of my thoughts by the end of the day.
See, no matter how hard it gets, perspective can get you a very long way. It is what it is and I will always get the best out of every situation. Why complain when we get to wake up each and every day?