So here I am at forty one years of age, finally getting back on my two feet after massive efforts in rebuilding. Several months of homelessness and a narcissistic relationship of over three years, plus victim hood from birth up until these two major events, has taken it’s toll on my mind. I am nowhere near the man I used to be. Neither health wise, nor attitude wise. My health is in minus, but my attitude in plus. My will power is enormous, long lasting, sustainable and thorough.
Through one mental and practical adversity after the other, I have managed to put a variety of teachings and tools into motion. No longer am I the fearful doormat, but a lethal sword of determination. Humble, positive and in it for the very long game. For the past few days, I’ve willingly dug my hands into garbage cans in various locations, to collect bottles and cans as a start up fund for a new set of guitar strings. One garbage can is especially memorable, the one by the bus stop where the homeless drunks and junkies hang out. It was no where near clean, nor anywhere near a challange, after I’d thought about it for a few seconds.
Once I install the new strings, my next assignment will be rehearsing cover songs that I used to play in the middle of the night for drunk people. Songs that I have come to dislike heavily for the sole reason of playing them way too many times, under conditions that would have most musicians run and hide:
Directing a choir out of tune, playing with immense power for volume, keeping my eyes on the money, reading the crowd, looking out for threats, keeping people from falling down, singing my absolute best AND closing sales constantly, is not for the faint of heart. Every donation is answered with a “thank you,” right inbetween well timed breaths and lyrical breaks. Smiling all along through playing the same song five times in a row, making it sound like first time, every time, is easier said than done. That’s where I switch from throwing up, to charming forward. Let’s not forget I have chosen to be unmedicated in a currently, massive hay fever period.
Keeping it cool, strong and happy, can be a challenge with the very few toxic visits:
- “Get a job…”
- “Shut up!”
- “You suck!”
- “Horrible voice.”
- Etc. etc. etc.
One mistake I repeatedly make, is knowing whom to lend the guitar to. Regardless of drunkiness, some people just can’t play, while others entertain so well, that it increases my salary, and gives my frozen fingers and dried up voice a much needed break.
I’m not looking forward to this next step one bit to be honest. I will do it because it’s fast and easy money and will open up the doors to the next step in my plan. Then again, I didn’t expect to be relieved, stopping the bottles and cans collecting, it felt great while I did it, but even greater to level up. Let’s see how it goes, I hope people still party with cash in 2017, especially on the month’s last weekend. This challenge is set up for failure, which is more than fine with me!