It finally hit me last Monday, who, what and how I am. I’m a master brainstormer. My brain is a constant idea creating super machine. Not being able to do that because of other things, has been a major frustration. At the age of forty one, I’m waking up to the fact that almost every interaction I have had in life, has been a fake of some sorts. People pleasing used to be my middle name. It ties into my childhood, like personality development does for all of us. I grew up in a village where weird wasn’t valued as a cool skill, nor boundless imagination. So I went through life, trying to figure out how to fit in.
Every job I have had, most projects I have worked on, every cooperation I have done, has had some limitations on how far I could take my ideas. I thrive on executing these ideas fast and it can be very hard for people to keep up in general, maybe because my titanic levels of creativity and productivity are a limitation to the ways of others? If we all wanted the same, no one would be bound, I suppose.
Suddenly it has become super important that every decision I make, somehow supports a life where I can work uninterrupted for days. Suddenly it has become very attractive to find a way for a passive income I enjoy creating, to pay the bills while I work on new bigger ideas, without much worry that the bills won’t be paid the next two years. For the first time in my life, it has become very meaningful to keep my apartment clean and tidy, so the mess won’t mess with my head and work.
Being in tune with myself so profoundly, has also made me immune to other people’s input. It’s as if it doesn’t matter much what other people do or say. Like being outside of society, yet completely in harmony with society. After twenty six years of mastering improvisation on the guitar, it turns out I used that instrument as an escape from external pressure and as one tool of many, to release my mind of constant pressure of the endless thoughts just piling up.
I have a feeling that mental disorders can indeed be caused by a mind being in a disorderly connection with who, what and how we are. Like a guitar out of tune. It has become so easy to just cut the ties with negative input, to savor more headspace for growing thoughts of deep creativity. Suddenly it makes sense to eat and live healthy, not just to avoid depression and such, but to fuel that powerhouse that my brain is, so that I can use my time here on earth to deliver something great.
As a multi-creative, it simply makes pure sense to have the mental stamina to work on many projects at once and to do that and stay sane, a life of quite the social isolation is necessary. Social isolation without a meaning is a horrible thing though, I’ve been there and advice strongly against it if you’re not doing it for reasons that elevate your existence.
It would require a large book to describe all the benefits of finding yourself, but trust me when I echo the words of Gary Vaynerchuk; “self awareness is the shit!”
Stay tuned as I dig deeper into this self awareness thing and provide some practical steps for others to shape to their own path.