One of the most dreadful extinential crisis a human being can endure, is a life of no meaning. This state is temporary like all others, but regardless of the state’s timeframe, it certainly feels eternal when we are in it. I have created a solution to that. When there is no meaning to be found in waking up, I wake up for the sake of just waking up and then try and harvest any moment of chill as a pleasureable escape, by simply kicking back and enjoying the moment. That in itself can be a purpose indeed, albeit one without a specific goal.
Inside the human spirit, there lies our desire for achievement and deep inside our survival core, lies the motivational factor that makes or breaks our worthiness amongst our peers. We put high achievers on a pedestal and frown up on those that traditionally reap the losers label. Nowhere else is this more evident than in the attitude of those that achieve the most amongst us. They always carry this flair of arrogance, a defense mechanism to give themselves a validation of purpose, all through the element of comparison. Those that say they possess no care for the admiration of others, are amongst those that care what most about other people’s opinions of them, hence the winning in life. If no one admires us, then how do we know if we are bringing value to society?
The most important obstacle to spot and remove during times of dreadfulness, is the expectations of society when it comes to laziness and lack of importance as a human being. As a current welfare recipient, I have begun eliminating connections with and exposure to conservatives, for the sole reason that their shallow perspective and endless sharing of opinions on people they look down on, has been a key demotivatior to feel alive again and thereby eventually getting back to work. People to the right are people on the wrong. People to the left are a less severe demotivator, as they don’t have an agenda with me in it, but they do defend soft values however. Soft values do not motivate a primal urges warrior type like me.
While I build up drive to carry the sustaining momentum I have created by chilling through no expectations and titanic patience, I choose to see the current state of inactivity as a temporary platform for one little aspect of personal development. My energy levels have been exceptionally low for a very long time now, and allowing internal or external pressure to affect my judgement, simply prolonges this state of inactivity. I need rest and the core to proper rest is after all a freedom of the mind, or the spirit and soul of you will. Removing negative input from everywhere has proven to be a major league strategy to go from despair to hope, even in the midst of a life of no purpose.
All this has given meaning to a life which currently has no purpose, goals, drive nor any noticeable desire to realize dreams and passions. I’m in a phase, taking a step on the path of life. By removing the timeline of achievements completely from my current life, let alone the importance of success, I have managed to create such profound internal freedom, that little to nothing can add pressure to my already weary mind. I’m in the middle of a complete reset, older, wiser and more tired, yet stepping forward with invisible steps at the moment, creating a foundation that will not be easily shaken by most of man kind.
Before, I would have used this kind of an opportunity to light a sweet marijuana joint while smiling away to country and blues, but that is no sustainable foundation, that is a much needed holiday. I rest and still work by doing little but rest.
Having all this said, I’m definitely looking forward to what comes after this.