Yesterday I felt it again, this BIG doubt that always pays me a visit when a new venture is being explored, this BIG doubt that has always gotten in the way of me getting anything spectacular done. I used to blame it on other people’s influences, but I have since learned that I was weak at setting limits to get the job done and caved in to other people’s ideas about how to execute my plans. Which is fatal to greatness.
After I got rid of the surface chaos of every day life and began dealing with doubt, despair and the associated depression, my mind has cleared beyond description. So what major revelation took place yesterday? I have been plundering a certain business model for some years now, but have to clear out the remaining health problems first and as I’m digging into what I’ll do, this BIG doubt suddenly takes over and renders the idea useless, an idea that thousands of people have used successfully.
Had it been a month ago, I’d have given up, but now I’m much wiser. I know that this is some old fear so well manifested that it appears as the truth. This digs much deeper than; “Nah, I’m not sure about it, maybe, perhaps.” This beast is more like; “NO!” This becomes so overpowering that one has little choice than to surrender, except for now, because now, I’ve outgrown most of my issues.
I believe that fear may be in layers. The first layer is every day stress. The second layer is the underlying negativity of our current situation, like a spouse, boss or a friend and the third layer is the Devil him self, so deeply rooted in our psyche that it makes more sense to give up, than to even try. Infact, it becomes a revelation not to try, like an aha moment of defeat, so to speak.
As a homeless drug addict, almost two years ago, I swore that I would rise as high in this world as I’d been low and that cannot be done as the bitch of doubt.
Once you’ve hit rock-bottom, the desire for success grows exponentially. Now, I’m not even sure I have to address this fear any further, I know it’s b.s., but I’d still like to have it removed completely, so that the endless amazing opportunities of our dynamic existence don’t keep slipping through my fingers.
The exact feeling in my gut right now, is like I’m walking into a dark room with a sword in my hand, to live or to die. The beast is inside and it’s simply a matter of attitude, a matter of faith, a matter of courage and a matter of executing the steps of my plan. I SHALL reap greatness, of that there is no doubt, neither small nor big. Writing this blog post actually has my pulse rising a tiny bit, I’m afraid of victory. Then again, courage and strength aren’t measured by what we can endure, but how we deal with what we have to endure.
This BIG doubt is a heavy burden and I’m looking forward to defeating it.
Thank you for reading and may your day be sweet,