If there is one thing I have learned over the past two years, after ending a relationship by simply moving out with nowhere to live, it is that patience is a great antidote to anxiety, depression and stress.
These three were my closest allies in a world void of hope, a true circus of insanity, for two full years. As an adult, my normal resting heart rate was always around 60 beats per minute, but during the personal turmoil of the last few years, it rose to around 90 beats per minute. It wasn’t until January this year, that it finally fell back down to the natural 60 beats per minute. This varies from person to person, but in my case, it rests normally around 60 beats.
For these past two years, I always knew that I would finally reach the point I am now at, the doorstep to a grand new beginning. I’ve defeated anxiety, I’m close to defeating the kind of desperation that leads to addiction and the end to depression is merely a few weeks away, as I keep improving my diet and attitude. It looks like this month here of February 2017, will be the first one in years, with money lasting the entire month. Just that is a major stress relief of course. Speaking of which, try to eliminate as many stress factors from your life as possible, one by one, it cleans out the mind like nothing else.
All of this took a great deal of patience. For the past two New Year Eve’s, I’ve worn the same jacket that I bought during the end of my homeless period. For the past two years, I haven’t worn shoes that have been water tight, regardless of rain or snow. For the past two years, I’ve been using glasses that are way less than the strength I need, because they cost so little and for the past two years, I haven’t paid for a haircut, been living without internet at home and often relied on kidney beans from the can, as dinner, day after day, because that is what it took.
It was indeed very dreadful and boring, but I kept reminding myself that after all I wasn’t in a concentration camp and one day I would finally get back on my feet and start winning big time. That time has now come. For the past two years, I’ve been secretly working on what will become my quite fine clothing style, beginning next month.
It has taken a great deal of sacrifices to get ready for action towards the new life. My social life has been nearly slaughtered and I’m still using a near three-year old Samsung phone with no fun in it.
Furthermore, I had to give up playing music live and with other people, because the stress has rendered my brain into a near perpetual dream and foggy like state. Undeniably, I have a lot of work to get done.
February the tenth, a week from now, I will be displaying two brand new drawings at an exhibition together with four other artists and I have already accepted wearing the same old jeans that look like they’re falling apart, and not in a fashionable way, because this months extra money, went into the cheapest workout clothing I could find, as health is more important than attractiveness right now. Hence the sacrifice of looking badly, as my work gets publicly displayed for the first time. I am fine with it, because one day, I will display more and better work, looking fantastic, number one in the room, just not yet.
Being able to just be in public, was impossible a few weeks ago, but because I insist on a near religious like lifestyle in regards of food, sleep and soon exercise, denying tempting offers every day, I am becoming a part of society again. No longer am I locked away for a week, just because I visited a friend with two kids, for four hours, only to suffer consequently from a brain melt down.
This has been prepared for a long time, by testing the lifestyle out last year, with stellar results, even though I failed again. Patiently, I’ve accepted every downfall with humility, knowing that a few days later, my lifestyle choices would get me back on my feet again and by perspiration, I’ve consistently moved forward, slowly, gradually and eventually. Those that stand me near and dear, have praised me for getting all the different and broken aspects of my life in balance again, most of the time with little or no help, albeit the biggest tasks have had some tremendous support, such as facing the system when about to lose the apartment and dealing with neglecting of medical professionals.
The only obstacle I face in all of this, is the constant offerings of temptations from pretty much everybody.
I’ve told them all countless of times before, that I insist on a certain lifestyle to not fall ill, but it’s as if very few understand how important it is for me to be healthier than the average and often I face some prejudice, amongst the admiration. I’ve chosen to see it as normal human behaviour and no longer give it much thought. People are what people are and I have other plans.
As a single weekend dad, I have managed to tailor my lifestyle without interruption and most importantly, procrastinate things such as washing the floors, when I didn’t have the energy for it, patiently waiting for the day when my health would allow for it, without the stress of simple tasks burdening myself, a spouse or children living at home.Any kind of anger towards a mentally ill person, will only keep us ill for a longer time, as negativity amplifies the problem very fast.
At last I want to mention a very understanding and supportive mom of my daughter, flexing their schedules, which has indeed quickened my recovery. I decided to act as if her mom had full authority, as I had little to offer and lowered my ego by demanding nothing. With such understanding from both sides, my mind came at more ease and the situation got better without any fighting what so ever. Most importantly, this entire time hasn’t had any long-lasting effect on my daughter’s confidence or emotional stability.
2015 was horrible, 2016 was bad, 2017 will be good and 2018 will be fantastic. All it takes is patience, preparation and perspiration. The admiration will follow.
Thank you for reading and may your 2017 grow closer to the sun as well,