I believe so and intend to figure out how.
In the works here at Success Pinnacles, is a free e-book, our first product, which shall include a basic method, that I don’t know yet, to turn around ANY bad situation towards a more positive mentality. That doesn’t make stressful situations go away nor decrease the weight of the problem, what it does, is to turn victim mentality into winner’s mentality, enabling you to deal with the issue, without making stupid decisions, based on a b.s. mentality, that you wouldn’t have on a good day.
Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, taught us the following:
- Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
- When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
- Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Given that he was in hell, figuring out some mindblowing things, I have already given away one tip. Whatever it is, you are NOT dealing with it under severe conditions in a prison, likely to die in great humiliation.
I call that a reference point.
What drives “normal” people towards the ledge?
According to HealthStatus.Com, these are the five most stressful, anxious and depressive situations people endure, I guess under “normal” circumstances:
- Death of a loved one.
- Major Illness.
1. Death of a loved one.
I have an amazing friend back home in Iceland, whom some years ago, lost not only her father, but also her best friend, whom her daddy was. When I asked her about the griefing period, she blew my mind: “People always say, why me? Well Hölli, why NOT me? We all lose people along the way and I’m so grateful that we got these years together and I managed to give birth to a son, whom he got to know, and shared a first name with.”
She went on to explain that the grief was massive and just as bad as anyone else in the situation, she just refused to let it victimize her. I’m not sure I can do that, but she swears by her attitude during the roughest storms of life.
This would be called reframing (the situation.)
2. Divorce / breakup.
For me, it was a major negativity and desperation trap. That first night you go to sleep alone, is so heavy, so dry, so hard to accept and definitely an invitation to depression and related problems, like substance abuse and the f***ing anxiety in meeting new people, when we need it the most, for escape of course. Going dating/scoring again, right away, “super happy,” usually ends up like this:
Person A and person B break up. Person A goes partying like a beast, whilst person B spends a few months feeling like shit, healing it and moving on. What happens next when A and B meet, given both are single, is that A is still just on day one of breaking up with a person that has already grown out of the situation. As person B moves on and has no romantic interest, person A has two choices, to be a desperate pest or accept that it will take them twice as long as B, to get ready for a better relationship than the last, hopefully!
“Fortunately,” the breakup and immediate homelessness afterwards, was so stressful that I went impotent and didn’t have the mental capacity to begin dealing with the break-up until almost two years later. What I have learned, is if you can’t deal with it right now, you save thinking about it until you can. Otherwise you’re wasting energy on something you can’t fix, while neglecting something that will help you deal with the other problem. We grow stronger each time, so don’t worry. Saturdaynight? You’re ex is in the past, dance like an animal, you deserve it! Who knows, maybe you’ll get intimate psychotherapy ’till dawn.
I moved 14 times from January through August 2016. The stress trap with moving, according to my theory that I hope to proof or discount one day, is that the brain uses most of it’s energy, maybe around 900 calories, on stuff that runs on autopilot. Autopilot is a term for habits and routines. I read somewhere that a decision is based on our subconsious only and cannot, from a biological standpoint, be made consiously. What you do today, becomes your opinion tomorrow, so to speak.
When in new surroundings, and believe me, I know from experience, our brains take a long time and spend massive amounts of energy, just re-learning things like, toothbrush location, towels, the frigdge door opens in the other direction and the internet router is in some box in a car, maybe. You know.
If you have family members with ultra high sensitivity, like autism, it might piss you off, that an autistic child back home in Iceland, had to move 52 times in a year, because the officials didn’t have enough resources, aka. understandig and support. I cannot imagine much else being so traumatizing and nerve shattering.
4. Major Illness.
Nobody likes this and it has taken some of the strongest people I know, into the abyss of hopelessness. I’ve never been there, fortunately, but there are examples that might lighten your day a tiny bit. Steven Kotler was lying in bed from lyme disease for a very very long time and it must have felt like a slow walk to the grave, he was on the suicide path. Out of shit comes goldm, with the right mindset!
Kotler used his experience and the following recovery to study himself from a scientific standpoint and published a book called “The Rise Of Superman.” Inside Quest has more than enough lessons on mindset and mentality. Also my primary source for information.
I wouldn’t understand this, being on welfare as we speak, but during my homeless days, the most hurting thing was not being able to deliver as dad, time and attention wise, I wasn’t really much around in 2015. I rent, don’t own a car and my only bills besides rent are child support and mobile phone. (Looking for a co-author to write this part.)
If your situation means and feels like not being able to deliver anything useful at all, except for time and whatever care you can handle, you’re standing very close to a destructive guilt trap. Guilt, shame and worthlessness go hand in hand, and while I can’t help you well enough, remember to replace expectations with appreciation, it will keep the breeze going, as you go from job rejection to the next, until you land the job. People hire people in a good mood.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor Frankl.
Please comment if you’ve managed to survive mentally and emotionally through jobloss and it’s serious consequences. Our main concern at Success Pinnacles, is that our articles might not cut it and people would still wander in the dark.
Appreciation over expectations.
Try and reframe the situation.
Create reference points, that often releases emotional stress and clears the head.
One trick I didn’t mention, is what I call “The Paolka Polarity Switch,” named after the method’s inspiration. Basically, you just find ANY tiny little bit of positivity.
I can’t work, so I am racing against the clock, turning this blog into a solid and a passive income. Free e-https://www.healthstatus.com/health_blog/depression-stress-anxiety/top-5-stressful-situations/book in 8 weeks, a paid proper one in 6 months and maybe Hawaii in 2018.
I couldn’t sleep last night. Thank God I can be tired in a safe environment.
I underwent a certain, not so nice event, during childhood and it has bothered the shit out of me and helped me, unknowingly at the time, to carry out three hopeful suicide attempts. I am grateful for that experience for two reasons. Look at me now! And I’m so grateful it was me, because I can’t bear the thought when others are hurt, especially like that. It’s also possible that someone else would have succeeded at suicide, so regardless of a little more than a couple of decades in daily suffering, including suicide wishes, I am erupting out of the mess like a volcano on Mars. It’s not certain someone else would have been so fortunate.
This is merely a little draft of something we aim to finish in two months, a simple, a free and a general method of dealing with anything.
Thank you for reading, feel free to sign-up for future updates about all things conquering negativity and may today bring peace, love and even more love, to you and yours.