How Prejudice Against Cannabis Got In The Way Of A Much Needed Bi-Polar Diagnosis.

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When your doctor becomes a threat to your health.

I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar earlier this year, three years after asking for it the first time. The reason I was rejected first, was that my doctor at the time got angry when I claimed I might be Manic Depressive (Bi-Polar, same stuff, another name; ) “You’re just a pothead and a hippy, that thinks that hash and LSD will solve his problems,” and diagnosed me as only depressed, in about 10-15 minutes, without asking a single question. He prescribed anti-depressives, which for a Bi-Polar person during the manic state, can result in psychosis and for me, trigger for a suicide.

During this time, I was under severe emotional and mental stress and began complaining about my head becoming weird, and again; “There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just a pothead.”

Going clean isn’t always enough.

Fast forward and after loads of pressure from specialists and loved ones, I decided it was time to go clean. And I did. It got so bad that my brain couldn’t process information, so I just stayed in bed in a 10sqm apartment for a few weeks. It was so hard being outside, the birds were VERY LOUD, soft short lived hallucinations and so forth, and again; “These are just withdrawals from addiction, just hang in there.”

So I did and now, three years later, none of the other issues have been addressed. I can’t work. Can’t keep my apartment clean, don’t know what to eat or when, have a major challenge getting the laundry done and have gone so isolated socially that it has re-generated that feeling I have always had before trying to commit a suicide. I’m having tremors, am very forgetful, sometimes have difficulty keeping balance, or having things dropping out of my hands. I’m now dealing with something that looks to be chronic stress and don’t expect to get back to work full time, at least not in the near future.

Had this doctor used the time to help, instead of using it as an opportunity to tell me how he feels about people he considers losers, I would be at work right now. But because I made the mistake of choosing to trust my doctor, I’m on welfare instead. Academic arrogance is costing society so much.

My new doctor is no better. I never forget the look on her face when I tried to explain that there was something wrong with me. Such disdain and disbelief. I often wonder if doctors in particular are psychological sadists. Let’s just say that I have still to experience when your choice of doctor motivates you to seek help.

I support decriminalization of ALL drugs.

That is why I support decriminalization of ALL drugs, because not everybody uses weed to escape their issues or to live with them. Otherwise we would never allow shopping, because it’s an addiction trap for some people, that have the some of the same issues as I’ve had.

I don’t support people destroying their lives with drugs, I support society growing up from the hatred, so that people can grow courage to seek help as drug addicts. So many of us choose taking our own lives, perhaps because it’s a more dignified choice than submit to being the trash of society?

Whatever your doctors say, remember that the responsibility is still yours.

Thank you for reading and may today bring you peace, love and understanding,
Hölli.

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