It has kind of been confirmed, that I may have temporary, albeit long-run brain damage from stress. This explains why I’ve been having this weird tiredness, or numbness feeling, with a few days in recovery, every time I attend child birthdays, play concerts or try and deliver at temp jobs.
I have about two hours a day where I can deliver, the rest is rest, or innocent socializing. Some of the side effects can be inability to fall asleep, even when I’m stuck in napping and nodding mode. I can be lying in bed for six hours, so tired that I don’t bother to get up, yet unable to fall asleep. This can go on for days.
Choosing how you see things is the first step.
This I think, is a blessing. Something great, something awesome to experience. I have freed my mind deliberately during the last few years, in case something like this would happen. Whether I’m the part of society that delivers or recieves tax money, is irrelevant. The planet Earth probably doesn’t know we even have taxation. All it does is create food, water and sleep cycles, the rest is just us coming up with stuff.
It took me about 10 seconds to accept that I might never be able to work, and just move up in life. I don’t move on any more, I move up. The worst case scenario is that I might have to start earning money as a guitarist. I could choose to be a teacher, or make YouTube covers, play the streets, and so on. I could spend a few hours a week studying how to turn this blog here into solid income. Regardless the obstacle, one can always choose between excuse or opportunity.
Reframe the situation.
What I do is very simple, I use reference points. My first thought was “Wow, I’m not dead and it’s neither chronic or terminal.” And that’s it. If you ever get something chronic or terminal, you can also say; “Wow, I’m not dead yet and now I get a second chance to go out in style. I’m so glad I know, instead of just dying, without ever living some of these old dreams.” Ever thought about robbing a bank? Or asking for that date? We’re all going to die anyway, the only people that choose how, kill them selves.
Another thing I do to keep myself in bouncing back shape, is by confronting things that can take me down. I’ve found out that I can use a particular song and it causes me to shed tears, if I put my mind to it. Then as soon as the blues becomes alive, I kill the feelings on the spot, intentionally. Just to be stronger. I’ve gone through so much personal shit in the past few years, that the one escape I chose over all else, was to stop being myself. That is no life however. We must fight and we must keep on going, day by day, week by week and turn our lives into victories!
Life is beautiful most of the time and we must strive to find a meaning inside the problems.
Thank you for reading and keep bouncing back,