So two days ago I went to the old bar to do a mental check to see how my brain was doing with the winner mentality re-programming. I stayed there for two hours and things were cool, not too many people and I managed to drink a couple of non-alcoholic drinks only. Met a few friends from the past in there and exchanged hang-out talks. Then I went home to sleep and it was then that I learned the lesson heavily, that it takes time to change old habits.
For the first time in few weeks my dreams were quite bad. I woke up after an all night long stressful nightmare and the following day depression came back, for the first time in months. Last night was hard too and today, I’m still drained energy wise. I didn’t know it took so little to fall back into the dark, just two hours of a relatively innocent time. Accepting that triggers can be very strong is a first step.
Always get back up again and slay your weakness triggers.
I have become brutal about my past, to protect the present and the future from who I was. New and harder measures are now being installed. I was planning on meeting with a friend that hangs out in that place a lot, but because she will remind my subconscious of that place and thereby ignite triggers, that otherwise important friendship has been put in quarantine for some time. Not everyone accepts this, but that’s their problem, I have a parental role to protect.
The more sober and clean you become, the more you realize that your network from the bar belongs there only. There isn’t any connection during the weekdays, nor is there much interest in each other’s personal life once people meet, it’s all about being drunk and/or high to get a break from the daily life. If you are fighting addiction, do not feel guilty about neglecting your old party network, they would do the same to you if that was their new path, it’s simply how life works.
An alternative way to view falling back.
One of the more dreadful episodes in recovery is falling back to using. Our expectations are to never go back to that horrible place of despair and when we fail, we are often quick to victimize ourselves, which can lead to more use, to alleviate the pain from the despair returning and hooking its claws into our minds.
Try this instead. View the setback as a momentary break from being sober. One day at a time right? This is not the last time in your life you will make a mistake, it just so happens that you made a mistake that could have devastating consequences if you were to continue serving your addiction. Do not under any circumstances get negative towards yourself for having fallen back in, the setback doesn’t have to last more than a single day. Tomorrow you get back on your feet and continue being sober, gather in your head what went wrong and redefine your strategy.
Victory has been had by countless millions of people before you, now it’s your turn.
Thank you for reading and enjoy winning,