I will never try and commit a suicide again, because my lifestyle prevents it.
Our inner devil is the main reason why I find myself at forty years of age without education, without a job, without music success after 25 years of obsession for the guitar and recently without health. I am overcoming the health barrier more and more every day, but there are a few fundamentals that I haven’t conquered yet, including lack of self worth. Now that I finally found a way, low self worth is vanishing fast and it’s vanishing without much effort.
It’s so simple it should be a morning routine from birth. All I do is I keep telling myself “Hölli, you’re all right.” Just that. In the beginning it felt like I was lying in court, I felt this stinging guilt pulling me down, some kind of brutal discomfort in my gut. So I did it again. And I did it again, and again and again until the feeling began giving in. Then I upgraded my attitude; “Hölli you’re awesome, you’re great.” The feeling magnified, so I kept at it and it still feels wrong and fake, but you know what, we often have to “fake it ’till we make it,” because our heads can be full of shit. That choice is the ONLY difference between succcessful people and the rest of the human race.
A heavy barrier, was to accept that I’m a good person nowadays and whatever shit I’ve done in the past, is no longer me. The words themselves are not enough, you still have to walk the talk and act without judgement, otherwise this becomes merely a shallow show off and your insecurities will only be hidden from weak minded people that will prefer your company as a fake person, to compliment their lack of will to take full responsibility for their character. Responsibility is no easy task, it’s a constant swim against the current of society and I’m becoming pretty darn good at it!
A worthy life takes place in a better world.
Once you get worthlessness out of the way, an abundant world of opportunity opens up. People can say what they want now, because I tackle myself every day, they can’t modify my will much. The most time consuming factor of turning myself into an entrepreneur mentally, is the inner voice; “Why would anyone invest in you? People will just laugh. You can’t make it. You will give up. Are you insane! Your goal is larger than most on the planet?!?” And so on. This has been a major energy drainer and it turns out that some people believe more in me than I have been doing lately. Often, the bullshit we believe is what we amplify from other people that we should never listen to in the first place.
Now that my self worth is moving from pity to powerful, it is just a matter of years of effort before I’m sitting in a room with the world’s most powerful people, laying out national and global strategies to eradicate depression. It may very well be that the world’s largest suppliers of foods have investors that don’t care about public health as much as profits, but I care more than they do and that is why I will win. I will win by caring.
We will all win in the process, because a world without depression is a world with even more profits, because of the creativity and productivity growth factor. When junk food chains upgrade their products, and they will because I care more than they do, they will reap profits beyond their wildest imaginations. Love is the most powerful force in the universe and I love what I do. I love reading reports about the cost of depression for society, because it just feels awesome to be on my mission. Monday morning is my Saturday night.
Mental defeats are a major player in global economics.
Did you know that suicide in the US alone costs that nation around 10 billion dollars. Who wouldn’t want to earn that? All it takes is time, effort and a great deal of care. The total cost of Major Depression Disorder in the US alone in 2010 was “little” 210.5 billion dollars. Now THAT is a profit goal I’m comfortable with. Just imagine the global number and add to that PTSD, anxiety, war, rape, terrorism, bullying etc. etc. etc. These are some ugly things and more worth defeated. For love and for money.
You cannot buy love, but love can buy you more than anything. McDonald’s made a mere 25.41 billion last year. That is still only 3.4 dollars per person alive. By eradicating ONLY Major Depression Disorder, and I will, that massive franchise will feel like pocket change in comparison. Who knows, maybe I will buy them one day with the depression profits and turn them into the healthiest chain of restaurants we have ever seen, with an even more and a fuller taste? Where there is care, there is abundance.
And where there is abundance, there is me, winning with care.
Thank you for reading and be good to yourself,