One of the things I had the privilige of understanding in 2015, was homelessness. I lived in 10-15 places the first 8 months of last year and what stands out from that experience is constant fatigue. Being tired. Being unable to think or make decisions.
Our choices become our routines and our routines become our choices.
I grew up in a very organized household. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were eaten at home, at timings so precise, the world could have set an atomic clock to my mom’s voice out of our front door; “dinner!” We could be playing anywhere in the neighbourhood, but somehow always went to hunter gatherer mode when her voice radiated through out our little town. Different moms would shout at different minutes or seconds and you would immediately know who’s going home first. And that is pretty much how I lived my life from April 1976 and until January 2015. I didn’t even have to check the time for lunch at work after I grew up, I just felt 12 at noon coming. Sometimes I could predict down to the minute what time it was through out the day.
According to modern science and my own opinion, we use 100% of our brain, 100% of the time, just not for conscious thinking, which we use mostly to echo the depths of our subconscious, our routines and habits. I finally got an apartment on September the 2nd 2015 and still to this day I struggle every day with simple routines, like where to store surplus toilet paper or my household duty, every day, for about twenty years, dishwashing. It has come to my attention that it is more normal and humane to be primitive than civilized. Once the core of our brain is set free from the structure of society, it becomes almost impossible returning to a modern lifestyle. Maybe I’ll have internet at home one day. It doesn’t feel like a necessity, but an ocean swim and hunting for breeding is as normal as food now.
What is decision fatigue?
Now decision fatigue, that is a term that I’ve heard twice recently and has to do with the fact that we are more prone to make a decision in the morning, than the afternoon, because our brains are more fresh. This only applies to people that fit the modern world though and do almost everything on autopilot, by obeying the motives of their subconscious mind, their years of habit building, good and bad. Because when you have no routines, you spend an enormous amount of mental energy just getting by doing the normal things. I moved on average every 2nd or 3rd week for 8 months and when you have to rethink every morning where and how you’re going to place your toothbrush, if you remember to put it in your bag, decision fatigue kicks in early. For me, my mind went dry around 9-11am. After that the days were quite bad. I remember for many weeks, how my biggest wish was to go so tired, I would finally walk in front of public transportation by accident and be killed, to get a peace of mind. I wasn’t suicidal, I was just tired beyond manageable. I have worked in kindergartens, that was nothing compared to this. I did my 18 hours in the docks a few times, it was hard, but not that hard. I have done my 5am-3pm fixed workdays at the fish factory. Waking up at 4.30 for work is tiring, especially if you are still drunk, but that is nothing compared to homelessness. I have never had a child that cries all the time, nor been in war, a refugee, or tortured or in isolation or prison etc., so I consider my experience as free education. Nowadays I delete friendships fast and easily that get in the way of restoring my health, because once you have lost so much health that you don’t recognize your own child any more and then gotten your health back, you become brutal in protecting yourself. I don’t care if I hurt people when closing down friendships, this has become a primed survival instinct.
When I read about sweeping homeless camps, I can only imagine the strain on these brains.
Another thing you don’t do when you don’t have a place of your own, is to stock food. Healthy eating is simply not an option, because of food prices and lack of storage. That means a lot of junk food, aka. brain damage foods. I never forget the day I ate breakfast at 10pm, two cheese burgers from McDonalds, which is probably the worst food on the planet. You never know where or when you will be eating, so I started most days with close to 1.000 calories of the cheapest yoghurt I could find. Lunch was often a pack of biscuits and a carton of milk. My biggest concern was to get enough calories on the penny to prevent collapsing. You don’t care about nutrition when dinner is a hit and miss. Bear in mind that welfare in Denmark is quite all right and I made use of heaps of cannabis to not lose my will to live. Cannabis is in my experience, a fantastic short term solution and a disaster in the long run.
Before you accuse us, take a look at yourself.
Remember that there can be a billion different reasons why people give up and end up being homeless, even by choice and remember that getting out of that mess is a monumental undertaking compared to developing the kind of mindset I have now. Every day I imagine myself introducing my main goal of eradicating depression by 2025, to people like Oprah, Dr. Phil, world leaders, CEO’s of the world’s largest corporations, and leaders in different fields of health, so that I can gather enough resources, will and knowledge to come up with a solution that will work globally. I hold speeches in my mind every day, so that by the time I get to the planet’s ruling class, it will be like going to dinner when my mom is calling, like an atomic clock. The G20 leaders will be complying to me, shaping the world’s agenda around the needs of those that have been left out.
Elon Musk sending people to Mars in 2024 is a realistic goal, getting enough Vitamin B6 when you’re homeless isn’t.
Thank you for reading and may you have a place to live the rest of your life,