Without a reason to get up in the morning, our direction gets shaped by someone, or something else.
First things first. I am an advocate for legalization of narcotics for recreational use in general, because those of us that use them with damaging results, do not benefit from being criminals as well, criminalization is merely a self-satisfying agenda for the sadists of this world. Having that said, I’m an ever bigger advocate of being in charge of your own life and there is no slave-driver as powerful, as ourselves under the influence of addiction and our escape of choice.
I always had these big amazing dreams about what to do with my life. My fantasy was limitless, but I was scared of following them, scared of what my family, friends and tiny little society might think of me going in an unaccepted direction, so I invested these precious grinding years of our twenties into being a fish-factory worker, which in itself is a profession I respect because its first grade food and it fucking sucks being there 70 hours a week. My hat off to those that keep the world’s population alive.
Lacking self-worth isn’t going to take you anywhere near your dreams.
So there I was, twenty something, living with my parents, in a tiny village, playing the guitar in the evening, with little to aim for. What else to do to pass time, than getting high after dinner? I mean besides education, running a business, turning music into work, travelling the world, having a family, a home, proper health, uplifting passions and so on?
I didn’t choose these, I chose cannabis, spent twenty-two years as Sleeping Beauty and to protect the addiction, blamed my failed life on three hundred million other things in the universe, because that’s how addiction works. It can only be defined as the pinnacle of victim mentality. Anyway, it’s never too late to reinvent and restart your life. There have been plenty of sober times inbetween, but during this period of twenty two years I was probably high for 3-4 days a week on average.
Accept your losses and move on.
We humans often stick to the desperate mantra of “I wish I knew then what I know now.” Not me. I think it’s awesome, at the age of forty to have been a loser (according to my own standards), for so long and finally acting in such a way, that I will be able to turn this into a success story. It just feels bad ass to be honest.
I know it will be some time until I’ve fully recovered from the mess inside and I know that I wont be a 25-year-old billionaire with 3 cars and 18 hot girlfriends. But I do know, that I will get amazing things done. Becoming clean after all this time and having dealt with so many problems I created in relevance with smoking, is a major leap to begin with. What the future holds only God knows, yet I know it’s going to be good no matter what. Such is my attitude today.
Excuses are for those that choose to lose, responsiblity for those that choose to win.
Thank you for reading and be cool,